The One About an Open Letter to My 16 Year-Old Self

Dear Me,

There are a lot of things that don't make sense right where you are now. You want to do a lot of things but you feel like you're trapped and that you have no easy way out. You have this habit of overthinking and spoiler alert, that ain't gonna change.

The next few years will be tough. Next year, when you turn 17, you're going to experience the greatest loss of your life. It will be the most painful thing that you'd ever get to experience. It will be the biggest regret of your life. But it will also be your greatest strength. You're going to question everything you know and there will be moments that you wouldn't know if you have it in you to move forward. You're going to be crying a lot. You're not going to be okay for awhile. But when you do get over it, you're going to come out stronger than ever. It will make you appreciate life even more and you'd never take life and the people you love for granted because nothing would ever compare to the amount of pain after losing someone you love without having the chance to let them know how much you love them.

Three months before your graduation, you'd realize you don't know what to do after high school. It would suck but it will turn out to be the best decisions of your life. You'd be working a minimum wage job in which you'd work with your friends and somewhere in between scrubbing the toilet and taking out the garbage, you'd realize you would want something far more substantial. And you will. Thank your parents, brothers, and friends. They're the best ally you'd have throughout this time.

By the time you're 19, you're going to make a 5 year-plan. You would be so obsessed about it to the point that that's all that you're going to be thinking about and that you're going to make sure that everything would go accordingly as planned. Hate to spoil it for you but not everything would go as planned and yet you're going to accomplish every single thing you put on that list and so much more.

In between 20 to 21, you're going to be so lost. Everything would come haunting you back. There would be a long period of time where you wouldn't sleep at night. you would cry. you would shake your body into oblivion. There would be moments that you'd think you wouldn't make it to the next day. You would wait until a ray of sunshine permeates your room before you'd finally close your eyes. You're safe. You're fine. You'd make it to the next day. You're going to reach your rock bottom and you're going to be there for a long time. But lucky for you, you would have friends that would help you get back up. Your family would be there. Again, spoiler alert, you're going to be fine.

I'm sorry for not loving you as much as I do now. I'm sorry I didn't trust you enough to let you be who you want to be and for keeping you closed in a box. I'm sorry I suppressed your voice when you have so much to say. I'm sorry for not believing in you and for doubting your capacity to succeed. I'm sorry I'm not there when I'm the one you needed the most. I'm sorry I didn't think I was good enough for you. I'm sorry for even thinking that you don't deserve to be here - to live a life that you'd fall in love with.

All those collective experiences you'd have will shape you to be the person you are by the time you finish your degree - yes, you are going to graduate despite everything - especially because of it. It may not seem like it, but you're going to be stronger, you're going to love yourself and you'd make no apologies for it.

You are going to be passionate about a lot of things and that's who you will become - one who would unapologetically live for something you are passionate about and when you reach that time, you will have your voice and you will make sure that you're heard.

You will meet new friends along the way. There will be a lot of people who would make an impact in your life, but the ones that you already have now will be the same people who would still be there in the years to come. You wouldn't be who you'd be without those people.

At some point, you will realize that you will never really have your shit figured out. You're going to stumble but you're gonna stand back up. You're going to do that a million times more and you'd never get tired of it. Because every time you get back up, you'd learn something new and because of it, you get to appreciate the littlest moments and the beautiful things that come your way.

You are going to be fine. There are some days that it won't feel like it, but you will be. fine.

By the time you reach your 24th birthday, you'd be sure of yourself and what kind of person you'd want to be. You're going to be happy. You will be surrounded by people who loves you more than you deserve. You would do things you'd say you'd do and you're not gonna stop until you get them done. You have so much love to give the world and you would give it in ways you know how. You would be proud of yourself for all the right reasons.

I could say a lot more, but if there is anything that I want you to get out of this, it's the fact that life is not going to be easy but you're going to be okay. You will have your whole life ahead of you and it will surprise you. Lastly, kindness and decency, always.