The One About a Quick Life Update

Writing has always been my creative outlet. Whether writing trashy romance series, subpar poetry, and captions on my Instagram photos, it is through writing that I get to work on my thoughts (and sometimes feelings) that I am unable to express otherwise.

And so I'm back. For how long, I have yet to figure that out.

But why now, though? 

There isn't really a single answer, if anything it's a compound of reasons. One of them, however, is this urge to breakaway from the banal routine I have been living in for the past few months and even the last year or so. It has been a cyclical pattern of working out (running, gym) and school (studying or pretending to study) that makes me feel like I am not doing enough to further develop my skills or at least gain some more experience that may be more productive than this banal routine I am in. 

A year ago, I decided to quit my job and focus finishing my degree. It was the best decision at that time considering how stressed out and tired I was all the time. Throughout my college and university careers, I have maintained a part-time job and multiple volunteer programs on top of my academic life. It was manageable, until it wasn't. So the best decision then was to focus in school and do everything I could to bump up my GPA that would hopefully open doors in the future if I ever decide to pursue a master's and a PhD. 

Yet, it was a completely unfamiliar territory for me since I needed to adjust and become, once again, dependent to my family when it comes to my financial needs. On top of that, focusing in just one thing (academics) isn't necessarily as simple and as easy as having school, a part-time job, and volunteer programs. I have been wired to do multiple things at once and suddenly just doing and focusing on one thing made me feel inferior or at least not living up to my perceived potential. It felt like giving up. 

And lately, it bothers me more than it did before.

In about two months I would finally put a cap in this chapter of my life and would hopefully move on to the next one and because I have been stagnant and stuck in this banal routine, being optimistic and excited about the next chapter can be a lot more challenging than ever. There are a lot of what ifs and uncertainties.

While this may sound a tad depressing, it isn't. It's more of working on my thoughts and conveying it as raw and as unfiltered as possible. Yes, it is true that I am scared and a little nervous but I also know  that, just as my previous experiences and previous chapters, I'll be able to figure this next chapter out the best I possibly could.

That's the greatest thing about life, isn't it? It's a continuous process of becoming and the only choice I have is how I want to live it.

You see, writing is a funny thing. I started without necessarily knowing where this post is heading but as I pour my thoughts out on the keyboard and have it displayed in front of me, it started to make sense.

I'd like to believe that I know exactly who I am and what I'm capable of. I'd like to believe that regardless of the fact that I have so much uncertainties and what ifs, I still have the courage and passion to figure it all out. It's a tough business to be a grown up and even a lot more difficult if you don't have a clear picture of what that might look like. But I know one thing, I don't want to be stuck.

And maybe I don't have it all figured out, and I'm really shitty at composing an essay that makes sense, but the important thing is acknowledging it and somehow trying to work on it.

I guess, this is where I leave you and if you actually read this entire thing, thank you. I hope you're having the best time of your life and you're living the life exactly how it should be - you in the driver's seat and cruising your way through life one adventure a time.

Hopefully, I'd be back sooner with real updates and more posts that makes much more sense.