A lot of things have happened in the last couple of months and it isn't until a few days ago that I'm starting to find closure or at the very least, begin anew. It's a long story and I hope you're willing to give up some time in following through, if you're interested, that is.
On a previous post, I've talked about the deteriorating relationship I've had with my friends. I've drafted a post about what happened next but I have failed to actually publish it. So what really happened was, if it was a romantic relationship, we basically broke up. moved on, and call it a day. At least on my perspective. You see, the thing about romantic relationship is that there's that agreement when you become a thing and there's also an official break up. Friendship, however, is a lot murkier than that. People come into your life without warning and suddenly they've occupied a huge part of it and unlike romantic entanglements, there isn't really that pre-defined line when you can call it quits. Because really, how do you end a half-decade long friendship? There's always that endless self-inquisition on whether or not you've done enough to save the relationship. You'd also think about the things you've been through together and all the memories that you've had and wonder if it's worth neglecting that and walk away. For months I keep telling myself that holding on to memories isn't sufficient enough to let myself bear the pain of keeping the friendship and relationship that is no longer there. Things change, and so are people. It is because of self-preservation that I did the best thing that I could do for myself, I walked away.
For months it has been radio silence. I was okay. I've managed to focus on myself and figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. I learned how to be independent and just enjoy the solitude of being on my own. I learned how to value the people that are actually there for me. More than anything though, I learned that my happiness and how I feel shouldn't depend on others. You see, putting your happiness in someone else's hand isn't fair for you or for the other person. Giving someone that responsibility is like handing them a loaded gun and hoping that they wouldn't pull the trigger.
I'm okay now. I'd like to think I'm better but only time would tell.
But you know what's crazy, though? Even after all the hurt and months of programming myself into accepting the fact that they would no longer be in my life anymore, it will only take one post to let them back in. Because even if things are no longer the same, the most adult thing to do, and the best possible way to deal with the situation is to wish them the best. To root for them, and to hope that they are okay. And you know what, I'd settle for that. Maybe we're not in great terms right now, maybe we won't be able to fix what is broken, but I do know that if one day I see them on the street, I'll be able to give them a hug and thank them. for everything.
On other news, I'm a year away from finishing my degree. It's amazing how time flies by so fast that after almost four years, I'm still playing catching up. I know it will be the toughest year of my entire post secondary career but I also hope that it'll be the best.
I want to say more but it's almost time for me to leave the house. I just have to somehow leave some of my thoughts here because bearing it with me all the time can be a burden. One thing I learned is to find avenues for when I can no longer keep up with the thoughts in my mind. I've resorted to running and photoblog but that's another story to tell.
If there is anything that could be taken out of this, if you actually read this, it's this,
People come in and out of our lives. It sucks, but that's the reality of it. But just because they are not part of it anymore, doesn't mean we should forget it ever happened. One way or the other they helped shape who've you become. You owe it to them and even more to yourself that you extend them even as simple as hoping and wishing them the best in life. Even if it means you not being a part of it.
Life has this funny way of reminding us how fucking unpredictable everything is. You'll never know what's gonna happen next and the only thing you can do is to live in the moment and make sure that you've actually lived.
There's that one song with the line "if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you should've done?"
And when that time comes the only thing that we could do to make sure that we won't have any regrets is to do what we can do now and hope that someday it'll be enough.
I'm okay now. I'd like to think I'm better but only time would tell.
But you know what's crazy, though? Even after all the hurt and months of programming myself into accepting the fact that they would no longer be in my life anymore, it will only take one post to let them back in. Because even if things are no longer the same, the most adult thing to do, and the best possible way to deal with the situation is to wish them the best. To root for them, and to hope that they are okay. And you know what, I'd settle for that. Maybe we're not in great terms right now, maybe we won't be able to fix what is broken, but I do know that if one day I see them on the street, I'll be able to give them a hug and thank them. for everything.
On other news, I'm a year away from finishing my degree. It's amazing how time flies by so fast that after almost four years, I'm still playing catching up. I know it will be the toughest year of my entire post secondary career but I also hope that it'll be the best.
I want to say more but it's almost time for me to leave the house. I just have to somehow leave some of my thoughts here because bearing it with me all the time can be a burden. One thing I learned is to find avenues for when I can no longer keep up with the thoughts in my mind. I've resorted to running and photoblog but that's another story to tell.
If there is anything that could be taken out of this, if you actually read this, it's this,
People come in and out of our lives. It sucks, but that's the reality of it. But just because they are not part of it anymore, doesn't mean we should forget it ever happened. One way or the other they helped shape who've you become. You owe it to them and even more to yourself that you extend them even as simple as hoping and wishing them the best in life. Even if it means you not being a part of it.
Life has this funny way of reminding us how fucking unpredictable everything is. You'll never know what's gonna happen next and the only thing you can do is to live in the moment and make sure that you've actually lived.
There's that one song with the line "if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you should've done?"
And when that time comes the only thing that we could do to make sure that we won't have any regrets is to do what we can do now and hope that someday it'll be enough.
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