The One About Running

I never like running on a treadmill. It always feel like I'm trying to get to somewhere but I am still stuck in the same spot I was before. It felt as though I am running without destination - no sense of purpose - a waste of effort and energy. But even more importantly, the four walls that surrounds a treadmill is not as liberating as the idea of being out there, of getting somewhere, and travelling an actual distance that are not represented by the numbers on screen.

Or maybe because instead of freeing my mind from the preoccupations of all the banal things in my life, I always find myself drowned in them instead. It's pretty much the same as running on treadmill - running without getting anywhere.

Back when we still live in Vancouver, I was able to go out for a run three or four times a week depending on the weather. I have this specific route I take from our house to this lake. I found it liberating and it was all I needed in order to keep my shit together. There was something about being out there that helped me stay sane and re-adjust my perspective about the things that bothered me. I was never bothered about the muscle spasms or my lungs screaming for air. I could close my eyes and keep my legs moving and know that I will get to where I wanted to go.

I miss that feeling, you know? The feeling to completely lose myself in the moment, to defy the boundaries I have for myself, to feel my heart pounding against my chest, to have that adrenaline rush when I hit my five-mile mark, and to slowly ease myself on the grass as I looked up the blue sky and listen to the quiet whisper of the water and the birds singing what I can only imagine as the sound of contentment and bliss. T'was on those moments that I get to tell myself that there are better days.

But as nice as those moments I do not wish to re-live them or turn back time and be there again. It's nice enough that I have a reminder that I have lived.

This post was supposed to be for running and for the sake of accuracy, I'll try to get back on that.

Maybe we all have our treadmill and trail run moments. Maybe we all have something that we are trying to run away from or something that we desperately want to run to. Perhaps we all that have phantom finish line that we're trying to cross. Perhaps we all use running, in any sense of the word, to cope and feel or not feel, to forget, or to remember, and yet we're all reminded of the same thing - to live the moments in between.

Maybe running on a treadmill helps to keep us grounded and running outside reminds us of infinite possibilities. Maybe what we need is just a little bit of both.

The only trick is to keep your foot in front of the other and hope that someday, it'll be worth it.