The One About the "How Are You?"

"How are you?"

 A simple question with thousands of possible answers. It is like the master key that opens each and every locks.

It was last Monday when I visited my friend in the hospital when she asked me that instead of other way around. It is a simple question. But for us, for me, it was a pretty loaded question. Because that one question pretty much masks every possible question that I know my friends are scared to ask.

Because the day I told my friends about my depression is the same day that simple question formed it's new meaning. It's a euphemism. or a metaphor. It's a subtle way of asking,

Are you getting enough sleep?

Have you figured it out yet?

I really want to know if you're still thinking about death but I don't really want to ask you that because I am not ready to hear your answer so... how are you?

Okay, so, since the last time I saw you, how many times have you thought about killing yourself?

Like, on a scale of one to ten, how okay are you right now?

How much sleep have you had last night?

Please tell me you're okay.

This is the part where we're gonna talk about "the thing" without really talking about the thing, okay? 

That's when I know I need to get better no matter how hard it is to fight my own demons because I can't always just focus on myself... I need to think about them, the ones who are scared and fierce enough to ask the question that means nothing and everything.