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| I still think that this library is a castle. |
If you tell me a month ago that on my first semester as an official university student that I would become the assistant editor-in-chief for my department's news letter and at the same time become a research assistant to a Harvard Graduate, honourable, and published professor's lab, I would also laugh and told you that there is no chance that I would get in. But here I am, doing exactly just that.
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| Taken on my first day as Research Assistant. |
There are still times that I suddenly pause, take a deep breath, and muster "holy shit this is it" as I tackle the next task in hand. There are times that I still can't believe that everything that's happening is actually happening. And it is not until those moments that I get to remind myself that had I stopped holding on for yet another day, I wouldn't be at that moment. Living.
Of course, it's not all rainbow filled, sunshiny, and clear blue skies, there are days that I still get so down and I just need to take a moment and step back. I always remind myself that the first two years of my college career is so I could be where I am today and do something that I am extremely passionate about.
I am thankful for my family, my best friend, my peers, and professors who had been with me throughout the journey if it weren't for them and because of them, I wouldn't be able to pursue something and make my way to become someone that they all would be proud of.
Typing this is really weird as I have no idea where this is actually going. I just have all these random thoughts that I need to leave out there. A reminder. A souvenir. A memory. Of something I care too deeply that I get to share with someone or anyone. For it might be something that would motivate them, a sign that perhaps, perhaps it does get better.
As I have mentioned before, my depression isn't something I really talk about with a lot of people. It is surreal. It is something that goes inside of me that cannot be captured in comprehensible words. It is something that I struggle with but not something that I constantly romanticize.
I guess it is something that needs to be said about it, too. That you cannot stereotype a person with depression into just one specific image. I'd like to believe that there are people like us, people like me, that struggles with this and use it as a method of survival. That had it not been for it, I wouldn't be so inclined to find something to focus on, to relieve myself from all the demons that are running in my head. Had it not been for depression, I wouldn't immerse my self to school and volunteering.
I guess you could say that I am finally coming into terms with this. The best way I can. And the best way possible.
Of course, it is not easy. With school, and everything there is. As I have mentioned, I always find myself playing catch up. Because really, life and time never stops. There is always something after the next. The first two years of my college career is so I could be where I am today. And now that I am here, staying here is yet another feat to conquer. It never stops. It's not like running a marathon and you can stop when you get to the finish line. It's a race that never ends. It's life.
And it's an endless process of becoming. The only way I get fulfillment is I get to live another day of it knowing that I didn't give up then and I couldn't give up now. Because really, there is always, and I mean always something to look forward to.
To this, I leave you with a note that John Green once said,
"Destiny isn't something that happens all at once, it is something that happens only in retrospect."
Until next time,
- BatangGala